“The Best of Graham Kennedy”, hosted by Stuart Wagstaff, highlights from Kennedy’s long-running variety show “In Melbourne Tonight” (IMT), featuring Australian TV staples of the 1960’s and early 1970’s, including Bert Newton, Joffa Boy (Joff Ellen), Ossie Ostrich (Ernie Carroll), Evie Hayes, Rosie Sturgess, Patti McGrath (Patti Newton) and Johnny Ladd
THE BEST OF GRAHAM KENNEDY – Aussie TV Nostalgia with BERT NEWTON / JOFF ELLEN / OSSIE OSTRICH etc
BabyFaceBren
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good evening yes it’s Graham Kennedy’s channel 9 show with Bobby van Tony Lomond the Dandini is Elaine
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McKenna the how Thoresen quartet Dorothy Baker shocked Rosie the channel 9 singers and dancers and special guest
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star from the USA Arthur mrs. Ferguson and now here’s Graham
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[Applause] [Music]
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[Applause] [Music]
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hello and welcome to a special presentation of the TV career of Graham
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Kennedy now Graham was a paradox if he had to meet four new people he’d be
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petrified and yet when those studio lights hit him he did the most outrageous things in front of millions
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of viewers together we’re gonna see a selection of Graham at work and play
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mostly during the year of those nightly variety programs and mostly items that
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have not been seen since the night they were watched live by you know in those days producers used to select highlights
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from his nightly shows put them together and present them nationally but we’ve done the same thing and we’ve called it
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the best of Graham Kennedy so when only the very best will do here’s Graham
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[Applause]
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music]
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I’m just looking around the studio audience because we have some very attractive people now we continue with
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our show and I’d like to say
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thank you very much howdy doody great boy howdy did he jump before how do you do anything you need to know what do you
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think you’re doing taking a pandemic in E as I see what the
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polls are doing in Russia
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it’s the phones are doing in Russia what are the poles doing in Russia holding up
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telegraph wires all right don’t stop me
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I’m going down the Milken 1000 are you going down to town hall for I’m going down to feed the man
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this is very important mr. Graham Kennedy is he here mr. Graham Kennedy
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yes what do you want Graham Kennedy yes this wire just arrived for you I’m upset
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anyway yes you looked a bit funny tonight around the gills there whatsoever well I got this telegram for my girlfriend in Queensland I’m
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accepting your views about not not getting any better come home at once
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good heaven don’t you know oh that oh that’s all right made you read it wrong
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what’s it not getting any better can I know
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only toilet and they’d the bunny sandwich one of my problems is that you
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don’t care I mean was ofcourse I key oh
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you know I keep what makes you think I don’t care well I sent you that letter that letter over there I see it I sent
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it to you know Cindy agree I feel depressed because and by the time you get this I will have shot myself oh is
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that a No
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would you like to see my best your best
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really like to see you don’t see it just a moment
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[Music]
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told today that an auctioneer hoped to get between 1,000 and 3,000 pounds for
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one of his paintings artist William Dobell said they want their head read if they pay anything like that for it it’s
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only worth five pounds you read that in the paper this morning I’m wondering what you think here it is it’s a nude
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isn’t it you know that’s something I’ve
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done it’s a lady it’s a lady it’s not a lady it’s a man the naughty little boys
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side of Graham was never far from the surface and never more evident than when the Victorian Government the custodian
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of our morals decided to ban a great classical sculpture here’s how Graham
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reacted to the news [Applause]
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music]
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good yes the the issue of David statue
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has reared its ugly head again this is
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very clever material I think my favorite
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one is this one I really do very clever one and also they come in you know
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various shapes and sizes poor old a but what a lot of fuss about
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something that’s been hanging around for five hundred
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500 years he’s quite an old fella really
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of course it it’s come up before over
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the years no it’s come up before over
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these one stage one century over half a
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century they made him wear a fig leaf well the fig leaves dropped off they still got
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the things I see there
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now watch carefully these are all
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genuine posters would you say that we’ve done our share selling some of those TV magazines look at that look if you start
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here it’s almost a little story Graham’s hectic weekend Graham plays in Rome
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Graham talks about marriage Graham’s health worries Kennedy puzzle TV star
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ordered to rest TV shocked Graham talks of quitting what’s wrong with Graham
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music] there’s mommy’s little angel or you
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wouldn’t born out there it’s been such a naughty boy likely but bah bah bah bah
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bah bah bah [Music]
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sit down mommy come on Bubba the Jersey
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and help mommy sweetheart please darling please darling come on mama Bubba
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please darling gay gay gay gay you you
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eat it all up the mummy won’t you be a good boy whose little pool is that
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curlers kudos and whose that the
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Polyjuice debt mamas
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party bother to do that de mama no D baba baba mama mama mama Mack bah bah
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bah I’ll tell daddy daddy daddy yes come huh where’s daddy
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why don’t we ever see daddy Hey
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speak words listen baba listen to mama gay gay now what
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does the man say at Luna Park
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[Applause]
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[Music] [Applause]
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Debbie trains covered in detail [Music]
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music]
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what happens with my beats tabs on the kitchen
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[Applause] [Music]
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Komachi Baba now think you could even
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have nice moped dig it all up the mama watcher that’s a good boy [Applause]
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[Applause]
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that was a good example of what Graham used to do when he decided not to follow the script he’d turn it all to his own
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advantage and of course to the advantage of the show here’s a piece to continue
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to go wrong let’s have Graham explain it I said today to our staging crew you know
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please can we have a door that I can actually you know proper door not a cardboard one but something I can really
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hit with an X something I can chop down and make the whole thing look a little more effective well they gave me a
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wooden door all right
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[Music]
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[Music]
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don’t worry family got quite safe I’m your volunteer fireman come in My
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Darling my sweetheart my husband my wine my goodness my
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revenge my honor my hat without you
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nothing without you without you my life is stormy without
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you here fighting for me they’re gonna count me out you won’t like kicks ago say without you
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man I can’t go on
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about you I’m zero we’ll have you – no
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tomorrow without you he’s gone deceased
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without
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[Music] he was one of Graham’s second bananas
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who went on of course to become a first banana in his own right Graham got many laughs at Bert’s expense especially
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because Bert was a Catholic and in those days a Catholic and a freemason were as diametrically opposed as you could
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possibly get together Graham and Bert entertained and made millions of viewers
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laugh out loud in their own living rooms
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[Music]
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one two three aside or mouth with Pike right Wayne on Wade on what’s plate mike
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is a very special thing in writing that you both don’t do it all right a final mount where what with that 500
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Seidel mount with foot where’s the food guy
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to [Applause]
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around 87 rather than 707s I have you
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tried round ladies
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[Music] very funny
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I’m sorry I know I know I’m not joking I don’t like that you physically not join what do you have to do it sometimes you’ve hurt me physically oh I didn’t
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mean to I’m sometimes I don’t know what
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to do you’re not sick you’re very very normal you’ve hurt me mentally many
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times well I’m sorry
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he’s never those seven fabulous men shoes if you haven’t tried around Merton seven oh seven oh seven stuffers half
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and you let me get the message out our audience is decided around more than 70 or 72 fabulous men shoes so skews I
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haven’t been down the me I’ve been working very hard all day I’ve got a do you think you have either been to this city and overseas club yes
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never been there am a lot you you’ve been to the musicians club I’ve been there after hours well then there’s only one place you I know where you’ve been
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where have I been the freemasons club [Applause]
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a thing to say
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I’ll have a lovely Sunday morning what I
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do always say those thanks and you’ve got a little way of twisting things good
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evening ladies and gentlemen the reason for being here this evening is to talk about rounder than 707s right yes I was
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like yes as I mentioned to you on Friday night yes I’m here at channel 9 for one purpose yes and I said I’m hanged if I
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know what that is my my one purpose for being here is to do commercials that’s right different the best of my ability
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how can I do it when you’re drinking water when you’re over there going when I’m practicing the Noel Coward
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impersonation which I have to do next Friday night but do it quietly right really quietly really quietly really you
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are really quietly the gentleman [Music]
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[Music]
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[Music]
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gentlemen if you haven’t tried Robert the 707 scuffle on TV
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[Applause]
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[Music] [Applause]
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if if you haven’t drawn
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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anything [Applause]
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[Music]
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you know something what I don’t like you to you girlfriend you don’t know I just had the chip stuff
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obviously gram really enjoyed people when he looked at the running sheet for
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that night show the first things he looked at were the sketches particularly the historical sketches you see he loved
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dressing up creating mayhem and he especially loved breaking up his fellow cast members I am Sampson that’s a
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famous story Sampson and delighted yes
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hey no spillage Oh together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle yes no wonder Romeo
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blew his top over you oh yes he loves only he wants to take you in his arms like this and hold on to you and caress
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you and look at your hair and your nose
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blue eyes that lovely soft warm air
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Yoshio Mercutio he Khafre me I’ll find you another shilling the friend of the
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Montagues
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[Music] did you see what he did lovely do that
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again huh listen sorry he can’t do that
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one more time we can only do that twice why not she’s only got two gloves brace
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my cousin before me now you wanted to be embraced
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you don’t a Capulet and I hate all Montague’s more phantom on to use high
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hell Verona I can have you passed into a dirty daddy dirty dungeon I can have you
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[Music]
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that the only thing you can’t do is act isn’t it
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[Music]
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[Music] well to answer their did actually I
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thought we might do some wrong together
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come like you what is the name you can’t say that on
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television oh yes I can whisper that on television yes I can I’ve got another name for you what is it I am NOT my parents were
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married days before I was born
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are you going to defend your honor I with every bone in my head I told him
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degrees and I said don’t forget the grace of the
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dress right now lend me your sword oh this is gone – listen I know what
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we’ll find a different way put that down we’ll find a different way steady words at 20 paces what have you
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been doing on the space old
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in relation
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[Applause] [Music]
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[Laughter] [Applause]
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[Music] I think you might be
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause] in the kitchen knocking me knock off our
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thing you and open the door when I yell I can get me Kayla oh oh you’ll have me
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you’re no Ginger Rogers left raised you
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filthy Beast you’ve taken up cigar smoking well why not all I’ve got to
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lose his Miss cigarette [ __ ] and that’s not my a perfect gentleman almost I just
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had up when he comes in to deliver the ice I’m tired dear oh I’m time
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[Applause]
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are you come to already here I think we’ve done a spring right rays I I’ve
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got a feeling you’re you’re hiding something from me oh what a terrible thing to say to me we
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trust each other circle yeah I kind of don’t get upset of course I believe you
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I trust you I know my wife in fact I want the whole world to know that my
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part that my wife you is as faithful as
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the day is long your day was not on it’s
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Plaza biscuits and Australian she’s are really tops yes everyone loves
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[Music] sorry miss you a little bit that’s
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better how’d you like some strange cheese grace yes I’d love some would you yeah I don’t
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know but I can lippi Marche on the
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revolving set we’ve all seen and laughed at Rover the wonder dogs antics
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especially during the Powell commercials and especially one eventful night when Rover boy had had far too much to drink
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well here’s another night when Rover wasn’t there and Graham call for some help from a crew member Timothy Lynch I
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just want you to be raving over for a little while and you know just pretend you don’t have to just pretend so go
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through the thing and I’ll introduce you just like we always do now this will be odd because he’s a good kid Timothy you
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know just put this down on the floor
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now ladies and gentlemen I would like you to make the dog hit course the recent Labrador population explosion the
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dog who is whose name the dog his name is feared by every tree surgeon in Victoria the dog who is always at his
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best even when the heat was on
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[Music]
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[Music] [Applause] just pretend just with you
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yes oh look how he’s enjoying that he’s really he’s reeling the lovingly ladies
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and gentlemen you’re loving that brave aren’t you [Applause] [Music]
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[Applause] [Music] this is called twisty train and you can
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twist it into all kinds of shapes it looks like that you can make the famous cold weather train
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there’s the famous spirit of progress
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he’s that famous that famous Latin drained spirit to syrup
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spíritus erectus commonly known as puffing Billy
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now these are good beach heads very
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latest Sun hats for this season look at them girls these are really for you and
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they protect you from the Sun because when you’ve put one on you look so hideous you rush inside
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yes Graham well here I am and tonight I’m going to be very serious because I’m
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going to talk about it serious you know well famous Oh Graham this is really
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serious sorry Dino if it’s really serious I went I wasn’t doing it oh no I love you doing your little bits
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and pieces it wouldn’t be the same but you know dandruff is a very serious
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problem oh yes how many fatalities do you read about the paper every day people dying
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left and right with overloaded danger this is my tip top pop-up toast it
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really is a pop-up toast do you want to see it pop up ask for coal then potato
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chips because coal vans got enjoyment in the bag okay game one no there’s there’s
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quite a party down there I believe me
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[Applause] [Music]
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[Applause] [Music]
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that was Margaret Maury then age 9 from foreclosure in Sydney generally when
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Graham hosted the show no one knew exactly what was going to happen but sometimes it was Graham who was taken by
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surprise like this occasion when a young boy wandered onto the host set from the
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studio audience
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[Music]
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[Music]
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[Music] did you just come up of your own accord or did someone suggest that you can work
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well my mother asked me to come up so I came up and I say mummy
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one man come up you give that tape to you oh yeah and ya gonna might come
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present I am do you know what it’s like you know well it’s it’s liquor its
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alcohol is anyone do you have you ever
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had a glass of wine a sip of dad’s beer does dad have a bit it’s mum that here
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today do you know anyone that drinks have you seen anyone who is this frowned
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upon I mean do they have his mum and dad feel about auntie and uncle getting honored
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just knock him out
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drink only because he has a simple – yes I understand Gillian does your does your father take
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your mother out a lot does he complain
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about that yeah all the time what does she say oh she doesn’t really
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say it Dean because he gets too mad if she says anything to him but she just tells it to a some sort of hard because
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we want to go out – but she doesn’t want us there all do you think I am beasts
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before despair this 34 seemed very old no you’re not looking mad do you think
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I’m not sure do you think it’s important to marry good-looking people Debbie or D is love more important than looks she’s
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gonna be a case how do you think it would be being funny
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on television night after night I think flip a drag live a drag well listen I’ll
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run through some of things and you tell me if any of these vocations suit you
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would you like to swing on a star Harry moonbeams home in a jar and be better
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off than you are how would you rather be mu
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is an animal with love money here he kicked anything here is brightness and
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by the way if you hate to go to school it’s an old showbiz adage never work
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with children or animals later on Jim son
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[Laughter] [Music] at seven o’clock I’ve got our own o on
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and man book [Music]
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music]
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music] me Tarzan you Jane this is a miniature
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Australian Terrier with a little bit of foxy now don’t you do what you did
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professor look at Scottie
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[Applause] Bessie’s a bit good with other photographs because he said
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I want to talk to you about your dog I don’t think it’s a hundred percent baby gasps gasps okay come on boy come on
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fella come on gasps oh no he’s supposed to run back come on guys
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yes get one boy I’m on the couch look look Mathis big big that’s not your best
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angle nope come on come on look okay come on to your uncle
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[Music]
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each other with these glasses of tap sync to see to where there might be a
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bit misty Joy’s like that magic just Charlie knows why don’t you try holding
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the paper closer now do nothing seems to help the printings on fuzzy
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yes tell him to rejoin first I need to be to the whatever
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yeah yeah okay it was Matt John the
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music oh just a moment joist I think I
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know what’s the matter with him low they got no lenses in in the early days the
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sketch the Wilson starring Graham and Rosie Sturgis was often videotaped after the station went off the air about
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midnight yes in those days the station actually went to sleep for a few hours because we only had a couple of
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videotape machines we had to wait till a station closed so that we could use one many people have said that the Wilsons
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could easily have become Australia’s first successful sitcom once again the
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Wilsons gave Graham the ideal opportunity to send up Rosie Sturges [Music]
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[Applause] [Music] [Applause] well that’s the last of the pink pages
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what’s for breakfast Joyce ah a special drink this morning laughs I made you a
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nice band game good luck pancake
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didn’t sit very well there yet what’s
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this – joy now instant porridge dear I made a bit lots of milk this time you
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complain first time yes they just found it through what Bob said it I did find little white lumps in it last
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time joy and you know what the little white lumps were me teeth did you hear
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the story about the Indian Raja and the curry yeah I didn’t well I can’t tell
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you it’s too hot that with a dead guy
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how about giving me some curry [Applause]
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enjoy I thought you’d never ask I’ll be in that lock the door and will ever love
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in love in that’ll keep you warm and hot Oh during the winter I’ve got a better
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idea what’s that Jordan let’s buy a ton of briquettes he’s having a wedding
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anniversary last month and he asked me what he should get for his missus so I
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said why don’t you take the best offer
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[Music] baby oh yeah right up to meet you
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it’s romantic anyway enjoy come on come on let me fly into the moon
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imagine the things we could do up there with nobody to watch us anything you
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could do could be done in the middle of boobs you realize one single germ can
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air listen one single germ can have four billion babies think how many a married
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wife [Applause] my plaque that the obvious ones you
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ain’t leginfo oh that’s me game Josh you have to
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forgive it Leonardo please
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clever sensible conversation listen I
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was talking to moment timid and he told me that a Sheila in his factory where he
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works to Beck’s extrusion
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and alas nothing attached what’s the most romantic experience you ever had or
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excitement she moves which isn’t lee ginger
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[Applause] they sell stuff for clear sinks and
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drains and they are written about some new stuff called rent are I in T rent to
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get a job oh no choice you can’t get rent in glass
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get rink in tin [Music]
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let me tell Jack Joyce just checking to
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say that the hand mic is on well don’t do it when I’m doing hell I won’t I’m terrible I didn’t know you were doing it and when I’m finished
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doing it you can do it okay oli another
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fountain Theatre as our saying folks you can also win cosmetics to the value of
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200 misting testing testing and I’ll give you a bang
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as our saying folks if you get cosmetics to the value of two hundred not you can do it now looking for cosmetics the
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value two hundred dollars from the beautiful world of Mary Kay testing its
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[Laughter]
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something unique to Australian tonight shows is the wheel this gave Graham the
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ideal opportunity to interact with members of the public and with any one of the beautiful barrel girls or as
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we’ve just seen a pretty famous barrel boy when I say pretty famous I mean pretty famous not pretty barrel boy
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[Music] evening yes thank you little strange
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I think upon your eyes are protruding once again Susan had been for a couple of years the eyes are popping out yes Oh – so back to the hospital oh oh oh yes
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oh it might be the goiter no he’ll be right graeme our first contestant is
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radius mr. hung mr. Hong has delicatessens don’t you well I have our delicate children that’s do you have
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just one shot or do you have a change oh no I have a chain of we got there with a push button now
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you are very very overweight you are
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very very rude little man I’ve never
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been so insulted in my life I have never been so insulted in all my life you continually talk about my overweight
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overweight overweight oh don’t say it be very kissed because you’re stuck forget
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get the executive producer there are
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better people here you wanted to see a little trouble with
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a little shrimp with him I work you mean the great Graham Kennedy one of the greatest eggs of alter isn’t he a
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sensation channel 2 should be so lucky to have him and in a series mister
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executive producer the way in which he works wonderful little fellow one I’m sick he talks about my being oh I’m just
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so thrilled to have him in my show but I’m trying to say he will get figures
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for any network the battle boy wants to go to if he wants to join the aeroplane people that’s ok
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mr. executive producer you’re here to say may not do commercials for him will you please do something about it for
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very well mr. Stephens on the way I’ll have a word a moment with the little blonde head have felt a great start thank you see you soon right fatso
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that’s a new one isn’t it yes it’s very
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nice what is it butch
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mm who comes from Big South citrus a mister oh my got it right
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welcome to IMT where you’re staying what you did means is they’re looking after
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you very Mets time was it it’s a lot to ticket for you and I oh really my card at the King an hour Oh clever
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girl oh that is suitable that’s how much do I have – nothing oh it’s a prison yeah that’s for during
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the end of the barrel aren’t you a sweetener and that’s the number could I just check the new – oh that’s oh I
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don’t know that one that’s very Sydney what’s the first prize twenty $40,000
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$40,000 yeah yeah how do you mean we
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won’t see daylight for me [Music]
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yes well we’ll eat like rabbits – how
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long have you been in Australia nearly exactly 10 years it’s hungry good I’ve
56:06
never been there you can go over they might maybe not come back
56:17
[Applause] why is there ice under the communist
56:23
regime and I was in more Border Collies sometimes we get in somebody and catch him
56:33
[Applause] I got quite a fright I may I may have to
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leave the room I’m not true on the questions an easy one – in the
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early part of the century the Titanic sank with the loss of 340 passengers there were ninety seven survivors named
56:57
them
57:12
know which to League sides play off in the grand final my side enrichment this
57:24
is Wilson do you know anything about Winnie the Pooh it’s a famous book I
57:33
read it did you read it do you know who wrote it no well that’s
57:38
good because I’m not gonna ask you that here’s bit mr. fellows to say quick
57:44
hello hello mr. fellows thinks the value
57:52
of this prize is $1,500 oh now do you
57:57
want there I don’t know I can’t change something you don’t want about no when I
58:06
came here you don’t believe or not I think I can be in frigid or Westinghouse
58:11
or anything like that and I thought what happened if I have in a bill boat I have to be buy a new car and you trailer
58:21
I’m just thinking about seven o’clock when I shaving you know it says what even if I I mean the both I have to be
58:27
buy a property yeah I think it’s a
58:33
pretty rotten prize for having me
58:45
that’s why I listen no we won’t do that because it’s a bit embarrassing oh no no no you know the barrel guild used to our
58:51
barrel boy is different and no
59:01
[Applause]
59:07
let me [Music] [Applause]
59:17
good [Applause]
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I love you I love you I love you and
59:53
don’t you forget it baby I love you and
1:00:16
don’t you forget it [Music]
1:00:21
if you want to be the top banana you gotta start at the bottom of the
1:00:27
bunch you gotta know the joke about the farmer’s daughter and take it in the kisser with a soda be
1:00:36
a burlesque comic it’s basic training for you to take a punch you gotta roll
1:00:43
your eyes and make a funny face [Music]
1:00:51
ya gotta stop
1:00:57
being a charm is fun that is why I’m one my fav that true
1:01:02
choice charlie door with great tell me at work and show me airplane laughs why
1:01:08
you’re worried don’t be sad or gum and everyone will know that you’re a chump
1:01:17
[Applause] [Music]
1:01:24
today [Music]
1:01:46
it’s been an honour for me to share just a small selection of Graham Canada’s
1:01:51
incredible television career with you tonight nowadays we’re fortunate because
1:01:57
when such a unique talent as Graham leaves us we can buy courtesy of film
1:02:02
and videotape relive the memories that earned him the title the king of
1:02:08
television thank you and good night
1:02:13
[Music]
1:02:19
[Applause] [Music]
1:02:34
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
1:02:40
[Applause] over four hours of the best of Graham
1:02:46
Kennedy is now available on DVD of all major retailers just in time for
1:02:52
Christmas you
